Sunday, August 9, 2009

Reduce Somali Pirating? Have them join the United Auto Worker's Union!

That's right. Let's get these pirates unionized with the UAW! We could see a reduction in efficiency and enthusiasm within a few weeks. They've been without union benefits for hundreds of years. It's time to get them that 3 day weekend, and a huge health care package with early retirement. There might be a little trouble getting them workman's comp, as there is a shortage of hooks in Somalia. You remember how Blackbeard died? Jock Itch! Therefore, there should be an automatic prosthetic training leave of absence built in to any benefit package.
As you know some captured ships can bring great treasure, while others could turn out to be a bust. With the UAW, pirates could "share the wealth" with swag wage guarantees, which would be a great relief to pirates who keep getting the short end of the oar. They would also be able to vote on which jobs they would be interested in taking, but of course... no secret ballot.

If it's anything like Detroit, upon joining the UAW the quality of their piracy should be noticeably deteriorated, their enthusiasm dampened, work ethics decreased, and within a few months, there should be far less trouble on the high seas.


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